Things I Wish I Knew Before I Turned 30

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Last month marked my 30th year of existence in this world. I am so grateful for reaching this far. As I turn a year older, I also hope I am a year wiser. And so here I am collating the truths and lessons that life presented to me so far:

1. My parents are just like everyone else in this world, trying to navigate life the best way they could. I could have shortened the days I resented them.

2. Friends are not for me to keep. They stay of their own accord. I could have stopped chasing some of them profusely.

3. The way I will relate to people and the world will be mostly shaped by how I was raised and what my experiences are in my formative years. I should have taken more time to understand and process my childhood experience better.

4. I’ll have at least one indelible bully. I could have been more emotionally prepared. 

5. My first crush will introduce me to the indescribable and hard-to-control manipulation of my hormones. I should have savored fully and familiarized myself with the feelings the person brought me.

6. I’d do things out of societal, parental or peer pressure and I’d beat myself up for it. But I’ll realize I will eventually stop or at least care less about what others think. I should have been kinder to myself.

7. I’d enjoy types of music I’ll be ashamed of later on in life. But I’ll realize regardless of how bad they were, they’re my only ticket to revisiting some ol’ good memories. I could have been more appreciative of them.

8. I’ll have at least one teacher who’ll inspire me to succeed in life and have a good impact on others. I could have held unto that inspiration tightly as I navigate life.

9. There will be people who will intently or unknowingly erode my self-confidence. I could have been more discerning who to avoid and who to forgive.

10. I don’t have enemies. But there will be people who will feel small or threatened with my presence. There are people who have been hurt too and want to inflict it on anyone they’ll encounter in life. I could have understood these people better.

11. Life can be so unpredictable and experiences so random that I’ll end up deciding to drop the could-haves and should-haves along the way and just deal with life the best way I think I could. 

12. I’ll go about this life being hopelessly romantic. Heartbreaks and heartaches will continuously help me decide if it’s worth it. 

13. Love is nothing but a word. I’d associate it with all the romantic themes and parts of movies I grow up watching or have watched. At some point in my life, I’d think I’ve found it or I will find it. But the truth is, it would only exist for as long as I am associating it with something ( a feeling, gesture etc).

14. Relationships I’ll commit to or ditch will bring color (harmonious or chaotic) into my arbitrary and innately boring life. 

15. I’ll have at least one song that I won’t mind playing on repeat for the whole day.

16. There would be times I’ll care less, hate or be annoyed with my friends. And it’s totally normal.

17. I’ll have my turn of getting overly jealous or insecure and do/feel things I’d never imagine I’m capable of. Judge others lightly.

18. Once I’ll lose someone who means a lot to me or is on the verge of experiencing so, I’ll start to feel my mortality on a visceral level. I won’t be ready for it.

19. I would have episodes of curling up in bed or crying my eyes out because of the existential crisis and horror I will experience and feel. 

20. I will regret not giving the quiet, boring but seemingly kind guy a chance to show interest or ask me out.

21. Because I’m not living in a cave, I’ll have the desire to be known and have the riches, influence and/or adoration associated with it. I’ll show this desire openly, unknowingly or secretly — alternately.

22. I’ll be tempted to think I know better than others or I’ve figured out life or at least some of its secrets. But no, life can be a bitch to me and I’ll start seeing people and life with humility again. 

23. My insecurity in life and with people will only be as low as how far I’ve put people on a pedestal. 

24. I’ll be so broke that I’ll promise to know how to manage my time and money better. I’d be so down and feel like a loser. But if I’ll learn my lesson here, I’ll be in a better place eventually. 

25. There would be things I’d do in life which I could never dare telling my loved ones. 

26. I would end up sharing #25 with total strangers.

27. I would always or perhaps often wish that life would be easier. But when it is so, I would also always or often feel trouble looming around the corner.

28. I’ll try convincing myself to live in the moment or as I planned but I’ll realize that life can be as unruly and as messy as I am when I was a kid.

29. People aren’t necessarily more mature the older they get. They just become more assertive and more self-assured.

30. Think with my gut and don’t lose my sense of wonder.

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This is me talking to my younger and older self but if you can relate — then feel free to drop your thoughts and feelings about turning 30 too. Or better yet share your own 30 truths and lessons in life and I’d be more than pleased to check how life has been for you. 🙂

Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams Yet

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I had another career crisis that started 2 years ago. I felt trapped doing a job mainly for paying my bills and simply getting by. I felt like I was in a hamster wheel, just going through the motions of a repetitive and seemingly meaningless routine.

I started questioning my previous decisions. While it made sense and felt right to me why I shifted from one career to another (teacher-sales-customer service), my self-doubt began taking me down the rabbit hole.

So then, nothing made sense anymore and I felt like I failed myself, the people I love and those who believe in me.

A friend once told me she’d been in the same place too. It took her almost 3 decades to figure out the path she really want. I vividly remember how she radiated with confidence and happiness when she told me that she finally felt “at home” career-wise. She told me to be patient with myself and to never give up on the dreams I used to have (before I let society or whatnot convinced me to do otherwise) and pursue them one step at a time.

“You’ll eventually get there.” , she said.

To be honest, in my head — my silent response was just “Lucky you!”

Fast forward and some personal circumstances made me hit rock bottom. The account I was working for was dissolved, my mom got Covid and the man whom I thought I was going to marry broke up with me.

The anxiety, hurt and confusion paralyzed me for some time. I did not know how to get up but I know I must.

Covid 19 pandemic magnified to me how fleeting life can be and how privileged I am to still have a shot in life.

And so I decided to take baby steps towards my “dreams” and started applying (while on floating status in my previous job). I also started writing and singing again (my first love) and made innumerable applications to companies I like working for.

Fast forward again and here I am — now a published writer of 2 websites I’m a fan of and back into singing. I also started working for a company that offered me a job that amalgamates the set of skills I gained from my working experience (YES, teaching-sales-customer service combined!).

I never thought I ever will feel “home” career-wise as what my friend shared.

But I did and I hope you did too.

If not, just don’t give up yet. I’m rooting for you!

How Taking Ownership Of My Life Changed Me For The Better

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I lived with tons of excuses before on why I can not be a better version of myself.

I don’t have enough resources. (Even when information on the internet abound)

I don’t have enough money. (Even when there are a lot of free resources for learning any skill online)

I don’t have enough time. (But I have a lot, my priorities are just all over the place)

and my favorite…I don’t know how to start (I just didn’t want to)

What’s worse was, I hid under the concept of loving myself by wholly accepting who I was at the time.

So this was the self I was okay living with every day.

• unorganized
• flaky
• unfocused
• pushover
• directionless

And the list goes on.

It took me a great deal of effort to love those shitty parts of me — and so should I not be proud?

For accepting myself wholly, of course!

But for not doing something to improve those traits that wreak havoc to my life — nah!

I have decided just this month to overhaul my personal life. And it’s after I almost lose myself on one of the most heartbreaking breakups I ever had.

I was in a very dark place for a month and initially did not want to get out from the familiar pain I wallowed into.

Writing and books saved me.

Writing made me articulate the pain I felt and allowed me to see the painful situation for what it really was.

Books, on the other hand, allowed me to see my responsibility clearly for how and why my life and relationships with others went awry and gave me hope that for as long as I am breathing, I can still turn my life around.

They helped me changed my idea of loving myself.

Self-love goes beyond accepting our current selves. It involves making sure we are learning from our failures and working to grow continuously and holistically as an individual too.

In improving ourselves, we have to take ownership of our own lives.

When I did, I’ve never felt more empowered.

I have thrown away all of my excuses since then.

With the realization that I was responsible for the ugly parts of myself and how badly my life went because of them— I started setting up goals for the future self I envisioned myself to be. And every day, I make sure that I am voting on that future self.

You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine. — John C. Maxwell

I’ve made written promises to myself that I will spend my days onwards becoming a better version of me. Being able to keep these little promises to myself everyday elates my integrity big time — allowing it to confidently say:

You’ve made it today, and I’m sure you can make these things happen too tomorrow!

In this life we’re given, we do not only have a duty to ourselves but also to those we come across.

Without real self-love and self-awareness that we can attain by working on our selves, we’ll go about life like a car with no brake, reacting and seeing only the harm we can do to ourselves and others — when it’s too late.

I’ve seen small favorable changes in my life since I started taking real ownership of my life.

Just to name a few:

-I’ve reached my reading goal for this year (and of course I’ll read more) and have written about them here:

-I’ve landed a job that I really like.

-I’m now a writer in two websites that I’m a fan of.

By taking ownership of my life, I realized I am salvageable.

If, like me, you have also plunged into the dark side of life — please know that you are salvageable too. Just start taking ownership of your life, and the rest will follow.

Death Is Life’s Ultimate Advice

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If there’s one thing that’s certain in life — it’s death.

Yet often, we spend our time going through the motions in life and spend our time away, dwelling on past slights, hurts and failures. 

Some of us delay working on our dreams as if tomorrow would always be on our side.

Some of us are YOLO-ing our lives away and indulge in hedonistic adventures, making a bold statement that pleasure is what’s only worth living for.

Our unmanaged and unhealthy relationship with dying unconsciously propels us to ignore the red flags of the way we are living our lives and instead simply get by, merely existing.

We deliberately choose to not take a pause, even for a minute to remind ourselves of our mortality, before we get into the train of the normal life we have defined and agreed upon. 

We do not bother taking a pause and think about death because it reminds our ego that it is not as omnipotent and omniscient as it loudly or secretly claims.

We can not control and know when death will come knocking at our door and so we’d rather be oblivious to its inevitable occurrence and join the cult that chants “Ignorance is bliss.”

Why do we not make death as our life’s ultimate counsel?

If we acknowledge it for what it is, we will be constantly reminded how precious each moment is. 

Death is the absence of time yet why do we hoard possessions and grudges instead of hoarding more of our time?

Death is not knowing what’s on the other side , so while we’re still breathing and have a chance of knowing things or people as what or who they are — why do we often cancel openness and resort to judgment instead?

Death gives way to the natural cycle of life yet why do we aimlessly search for the fountain of life, eager to skip, shame or escape certain life stages? 

Death is being lifeless but why do we not put more effort in doing things that make us or others come alive? 

Death will come to all of us yet why do we prematurely end others’ lives or think about ending ours? 

In death there’s grieving, so why don’t we — in this moment and the remaining days to come, celebrate our lives and live joyfully while we still can?

Grieving For Our Future Death

Attending a funeral is heart-wrenching, especially if the person in the coffin is someone you love or close to you.

It evokes feelings of regret, making us think about the ways we could have shown love or given more time to that person.

In that moment, in our grief — we view the person only in a positive light. We recall moments, conversations or experiences with the deceased that show us and others it’s a waste that a positive and impactful force in the world, was taken too soon.

And so I wonder, what if we apply that same level of generosity and kindness to ourselves?

What if we grieve for our future death?

Will we realize we should have taken more time to love our selves better?

Will we realize we should have given our selves more time too?

Will we realize that in our own little ways, we are charming, lovable, caring, helpful and a positive force in the world also?

As of this writing, I am trying to do so but I honestly can’t feel any poignant feelings at all. Worse is, in my continuous attempt, my inner critic shows me my shortcomings as a person. It shows me what I lack, that I should do more, care more, love more. Be this. Be that.

In short, it shows me I do not deserve to be shown poignant feelings yet.

And it surprises me because I really believe I love myself.

I think I love myself because:

I take care of me, well enough. I exercise. I always try to eat healthy.

I am proud of who I am.

I am proud too of what I have accomplished in life. For surviving it, this far.

I do not allow negative people to bring me down.

I continually seek improving my habits and how I spend my time to be a better version of myself.

And so on…

I can imagine my loved ones crying for me. I know they have loved me in some way, and so I can imagine they would weep when I am dead.

But I love myself too, and so why can’t I imagine crying for me?

What I know is my self-critic always win over my self-love as I try to grieve for me. And so what does it say about the self-love I have?

Maybe I’m just being silly and it is quite a silly question.

But let me still ask you this:

What if you grieve for your future death?

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Life is Wonderful, Isn’t It?

Where would life take me, I don’t know.

If all what I’m spending my time on, these days and on the days to follow — would be things I would not regret in the future, I don’t know.

If I get to live a 100 years, I don’t know.

Who among my loved ones, will I would have to grieve for in the immediate and distant future, I don’t know.

Will my loved ones outlive me (I hope so), I don’t know.

Will I end up with someone I will grow old and have children with, I don’t know.

Will I have to suffer from diseases sooner or later, I don’t know.

Will I be involved in an accident, I don’t know.

Are there friends whose warmth I’ll never feel again, I don’t know.

Will there be more times that I will hear myself laugh until I find it hard to breath, I don’t know.

Will I succumb to a kind of sorrow that I would no longer wish to live, I don’t know.

How will people talk about me in my deathbed, I don’t know.

Will someone weep for me, besides my loved ones, I don’t know.

Will I ever get to know what I am here for or what life is all about, I don’t know.

There’s too much uncertainty in life. None of which we planned happened exactly as how we wanted. A lot of those people we intend to keep in our lives, now only exist in our past. What could be the reason for our sorrows or joy remains unpredictable.

Knowing what I know now, I’m not sure if I would have wanted to be here, if I were given a chance to choose to be born or not.

But right now, all that I can do is to enjoy every breathing moment that I have and make others’ life a pleasing experience too. I always try to, but admittedly, a lot of times I fail to do so. I will keep trying though.

We pity those who have chosen to take their lives by their own hands, those whose lives were taken by others or by accidents. We, who feel that way, must have known deeply and clearly how wonderful it is to live. But do we?

We constantly hustle and intentionally struggle in the present so that we can live in a future we want — as if life is just like painting in a canvas — as if death cares enough. We often try to control the uncontrollable. Such a tragedy.

We hold on to life for those fleeting moments of feeling deeply loved, success, happiness and the thought that we will live in such a way that in our deathbed — our loved ones, someone or some people will weep, remember or immortalized us in their memories — or through a statue or perhaps a book. We live for what’s impermanent. What a comedy.

I’m not sure if I want to live again, if there’s an afterlife.

But right now, all that I can do is to enjoy every breathing moment that I have and make others’ life a pleasing experience too. I always try to, but admittedly, a lot of times I fail to do so. I will keep trying though.

I’m here now and I figure, I might as well make the most out of this life.

^{Photo by Hailey Ken in Unsplash}

Debt of Gratitude : Brighter Side

I used to resent my parents before because there were periods when I had to live in somebody else’s home and someone else had to take care of me, instead of them.

I was resentful because even at a young age, I’ve seen how debt of gratitude is insiduously used in our country (at least in the community and people I’ve been around with).

“I help you and so you are obliged to pay me back in the future when you are capable to.” – is the transactional concept about debt of gratitude that I grew up into.

And the following examples are some of the reasons that made me view it negatively:

• I knew neighbors, friends and cousins who were upfrontly and excessively pressured by their parents to pay back (i.e, allocate a portion of their salary every month, renovate or buy a house, car etc). The payback was enforced as some kind of return on the effort and cost of raising and sending them to school. When they fail to do so, then they’re considered ungrateful or a failure.
• I knew a kid who said he want to be an artist but he can not pursue it because his parents wants him to be a pilot. He added that there’s no or less money in art and so he can not pay them back accordingly.
• I heard some of my relatives making fun of and implying how a person (they’ve helped) is ungrateful because he/she did not pay them back in some way or paid back but they find it not enough.
• People voting for incapable politicians just because they have given them a big favor before.

So you see, with other people involved in raising me, only means I’m not only indebted to my parents.

And I honestly do not mind paying my parents back because I personally want to provide a better life for them. But feeling and being obligated to other people seemed like an added pressure and responsibility to my existence.

“If only my parents did the best they can to provide for us,by themselves, we should have not been at the mercy of other people and be indebted to them.” – so goes my resentful mind before.

But fast forward to the time I started earning, I found myself failing to sufficiently pay back the well-intentioned people who helped me along the way.

I felt so guilty, hated myself, resented my parents even more and regretted all the help I received.

Yet despite me failing the payback standards I set for myself and the standards that were directly or subtly imposed upon me – the people I feel I am indebted to, still showed me love, warmth and would still check on me from time to time.

This made me rethink how I viewed debt of gratitude.

I came to realize that how I felt about it is mainly due to my self-centeredness and my idealism.

I felt negatively about the help I was given and me having to return the favor, because being in someone else’s home gave me the feeling of being an outcast, regardless of the kind of treatment given to me. I had my fair share of feeling insecure because I know and felt I was/could never be a priority, not unlike when I was in our own home.

I was full of pride and pitied my situation, hence the resentment.

In addition, I also held highly the idea that help should be given freely and so as paying back. Feeling and being obliged to pay back felt a part of me is being imprisoned in some way.

I also realized that the “debt of gratitude” I resented was mostly self-generated. I took in what I noticed on how it is negatively used in the society and view it in that light.

Those people who helped me, what they did was really out of good intention.

They might have said or done things that sounded or felt like they’re indebting me to them but in the end, it was me who associated all those to the ugly side of “debt of gratitude”.

And so I set out to intentionally choose to look on the brighter side of it.

When I shifted my focus, gratefulness started to find its way to my heart and gradually chip away at the resentment that used to consume me.

This time around, my heart would swell up when I think about what other people did for me.

• Fondly, I remember the couple who adopted me when my mom went abroad. They became my foster parent in my high school years. They don’t have enough resources and we were not related at all, yet they took care of me like their own daughter. There were times they struggle to put food in the table, but they never made me feel they resented having me with them.
• I also remember some of my relatives and neighbors checking up on me when my father was consumed by alcoholism and depression.
• Then I also have an aunt and uncle who took me in, during my tertiary years. When the going gets tough for them – they too never made me feel like I was a burden.
• And the list goes on.

These people in my life, even when they have other people and responsibilities to take care of, took an effort and time helping me out when I needed it. And not everyone is capable of extending themselves to others like that. How could I have not focused on that earlier?

So now I choose to amplify and perpetuate the positive side of debt of gratitude. Because the negative side of it is there to stay and what I can only control is my own actions.

And it is my hope that I can continually help others in my own little way, not with indebting them in mind but as a way of simply showing kindness when I can and choosing to always pay forward.

Lucky 7

If there’s such a thing as lucky number, then I’d claim mine to be the number 7.

I’ve never really thought about this not until I started connecting circumstances in my life which involved the number.

So first up, I went to elementary  school on 1997. I’d say a lucky year because I didn’t have to undergo kindergarten education which takes 2 years to finish.

My mom home schooled me so I kind of learned the basic of reading and writing through her. By this year, my mom asked a Grade 1 teacher to have me sit in her class. Miss Pactol, oh how can I forget?

And as it turned out, I was able to keep up with her pupils so I was offered to enroll as her regular pupil and the rest is history. 

Then fast forward to 2007, I graduated in high school and guess what? I graduated with flying colors as 7th honorable mention. 

And then, let’s fast track some more and move to 2012. So, my batchmates in college took the Licensure Examination for Teachers this year, and guess what? I ranked 7th on the test.

Then, I was offered a job in a public school in the same year and oh well, if this is not enough reason for me to not be superstitious about numbers — then what would?

So here you go, the building I was assigned to was building number 7. Like right now, as I’m typing — this instance still gives me chill on my spine.

Now, I eventually quit teaching on 2017 — prolly because subconsciously I already started buying in the thought that this might be a lucky year for me, considering the number that’s in it. I accepted a job offer on a start-up company and well, our office was located on 7th floor.

Should I consider it as a lucky year? Definitely yes. I met awesome people here, whom some are now my closest and had some marvelous experiences, which for sure I could only dream about if I stayed being a teacher.

And it’s the year I’ve taken of the religious rein I’ve put on myself  (a story you could read more here) which really has been a life changer for me. 

There are a lot more significant  happenings in my life involving number 7 by the way. Like the birthdates of my ex boyfriends etc. 

But I think these examples are just enough reason for you to reconsider thinking about trying to connect the dots, and see if a lucky number is also manifesting in your life. Taylor Swift clearly did. 

But whether or not there’s such a thing as lucky number, who knows? Prolly just  the RAS operating or the Law of Attraction, as some would say. Whatever is the truth behind it though, I’m still currently diggin’ it. 

P.S. If you’re into astrology like me, I’m a Libra by the way. And yes, as you might already know — that’s the 7th zodiac sign. Fascinating eh?

2020: A Year To Forget or Reset?

It’s been customary for most of us to make every New Year a time to start anew – have another clean slate to rewrite our goals to be better than we are the previous year.

Like most of you maybe, I was beaming with hope this year to bring into fruition my unorganized and  unwritten goals. I intented to be more emotionally and financially stable (insert being physically fit) — generally priotizing becoming a better version of myself.

Then comes Covid 19…

It would be easy for us to let the year 2020 pass and thrust it into the abyss of oblivion if we only consider the negative impact it created to each of us and the world as a whole. After all, what’s there to remember fondly  in a year highlighted only by numerous deaths, cancelled plans, unmet goals and a long period just being at home only in the same room with the same people.

But of course, nothing is more easier and more natural for us to do than seeing the brighter side of this crisis. While we’re the only species who contemplates (and sometimes wallow negatively into) what happened in the past, we’re also the only species who constantly think and plan about our future. We have resilience anchored from HOPE — a resource none of us yet have fully fathomed.

History could show us unimaginable stories of  terror and horror  of yesteryears but juxtaposed with them were also  stories of unexpected courage and resilience of people who managed to come out deeply scarred but unbreakably victorious. History repeats itself they say and so do I hope that the seemingly inseparable co-existence of crisis and successful recovery will occur too this year.

I’ve already seen hopeful posts about how Covid 19 could prepare us how to be better people – to our economy, to other people and to Mother Nature. Let’s keep ’em coming.

As for me personally, I’m finding solace with the fact that if not for this enforced quarantine — I might have yet again cave in to my impulsiveness to waste my limited resources (i.e., money,energy and time) to go to places, experience and buy things  but neglect people I’ve chosen and already established connection with.

This period has been a time I’ve been forced to keep in mind the unsurpassed importance of maintaining and nurturing relationships with my persons.

So let’s just say the year 2020 has been cancelled — but hopefully not wasted.To forget it or make this a year to reset, is still a choice each one of us has to make.

My Quarterlife Crisis: Genesis

I would say it was only this November of 2019 that I was only able to fully relate to this “quarter-lifer crisis” that’s been hitting people my age.

It was on the 1^st day of November that I chatted with a friend in Cebu about my out-of-boredom desire to retire early. When we finished chatting, my manager approached me and said we needed to talk. From the look on her face, I already knew bad news is just yonder.

And my gut-feeling was right. She asked me how I think about moving back to doing Sales-related work again because they think I’m not fit for the Customer Support role. Ouch!

I really don’t want to do any Sales-related job and so I  just opted to resign. Now, with the working history I have, I felt like I really  just have 3 viable options and they are:

• 1. To go back to teaching (I have 5 years experience teaching in public school but gosh I just don’t feel going back to that career anytime soon!)
• 2. Get a Sales-related job (I have around 1.5 experience but gosh I also don’t feel like doing it again!)
• 3. Be in the Customer Service Industry (around 6 mos experience and I’d say it’s something I kinda prefer other than the two other options I have. But wait, I was just assessed not fit for the role, you remember?)

I wish you can imagine how friggin’ confused and anxious I got in having to decide:

What am I gonna do with my life?

And by then,  I believed I started my quarter-life crisis journey…

But what is really quarter-life crisis anyway?

The Muse defines it as “a period of intense soul searching and stress occuring in your mid 20s to early 30s”. And it’s more normal than we think. In one of LinkedIn’s research, after surveying thousands of 25-33 year olds around the world — 75 percent experienced quarter-life crisis.

They also found out that the  topmost triggers are the following:

1. Finding a job where one’s passion lies
2. Comparing to more successful friends

So, are you one of us? If yes, how should we deal with it?

In reality, I think there’s no such thing as “best way” on how to cope with it. Given our uniqueness in traits (genetic or nurtured), experiences and circumstances  — we just have to do whatever it is that works for us (as long as it’s not self-destructive of course). 

Personally, I find it temporarily relieving to just talk to my friends about it or  go for a walk to somewhere peaceful and quiet. I am still in the process of finding my success story for this quarter-life crisis I’m currently dealing with and so I can only do so much to help you out on this.

But if you’re up to trying out advice from authority figures for this topic, then you might as well check these tips from Daran Faraz, who is one of LinkedIn Career Advice experts:

1. Don’t compare yourself to others : According to Faraz and as most of us probably know,  “A sure-fire way to bolster the feelings of disappointment and underachievement is to compare your own career trajectory to your peers…

Remember that everyone is at a different stage of their journey, so don’t compare yourself to others — whatever your definition of success is and whatever makes you happy is enough.”

Easier said than done, I know. But let’s say you notice feelings of inferiority creeps in whenever you’re checking social media. Might be best for you to limit or stop using it.

Currently, I’m trying Cal Newport’s 30-day digital declutter challenge and I would say I’ve focused on myself more now rather than scrolling and checking  what my peers are up to (which often makes me end up comparing myself to others and feel crap).

I may have not started to create this blog if not because of it. So firstly, identify which-who-what triggers you to  compare yourself to others and then do anything you can to minimize or completely stop it from happening.

2. Take a step back : “Take a step back and write down what is making you most nervous, be it saving, not being happy in your current industry or even your personal relationships. This will allow you to address the problem and stand you in good stead to talk to others.”

As they say, you can only face or solve a problem you know. So take time to identify which areas of your life you feel most dissatisfied and bothered about. It’s tempting to just go through the motions in life but when you really don’t know what makes you feel anxious or bothered about.

I’ll bet my last cent that you’ll never be able to free yourself from whatever negative feeling you’re experiencing right now.

3. Be compassionate to yourself :  Paraz was  spot on when he said “Going through the quarter-life crisis can be a difficult process and exacerbated by becoming your own worst critic “.

Remember those times your friends go to you whenever they have a problem? We need the same level of patience, understanding, love and kindness we gave them on times we’re conflicted too. Easier said than done again, but hey — let’s keep working on it.

4. Talk to others: “It’s important to discuss feelings of discontent. Talking to others about certain issues not only helps you rationalise the problem but helps with the solution. Though it’s great that your friends and family are there to support you, it’s also good to get an unbiased point of view, especially from someone who has the experience in your industry.”

“Misery loves company.”  and you might find this quote fitting in this crisis we’re currently dealing with. When I did this, I honestly felt relieved that I am not alone. Most of my friends experienced and are experiencing it also.

My takeaway from those who’ve experienced it? You’ll cope with it. Maybe shorter or longer than others did but surely: YOU’LL GET OVER IT! So, just hang on (Kapit lang besh)!

5. Explore: “Once you have discussed your situation with the relevant people, it’s important to go away and research your options and most importantly your passions. Whether it’s starting a new career altogether, going travelling or progressing with your current role — it’s necessary to be aware of your possibilities. “

We’ll never know unless we try. It’s such a cliche, I know. Like me, do you often feel like you need to be able to do the “RIGHT move, next step or action”  for you to be able to get to the “RIGHT destination”?

Like feeling scared of the possibility that if you made the WRONG choice, you’ll end up in the WRONG path so you obsess on thinking  about what could be the RIGHT choice? Maybe it’s just me, but if we  happen to share the same fear — I hope Deepak Chopra’s words can help you as well:

“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another. The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.”

Sometimes (like some of you maybe) — I would end up wishing there’s a proven, tested and easy-to-follow-and-apply LIFE manual that exist out there for this. How easy could living our lives be, if that’s the case. 

But hey, remember the saying : 

“The best things in life are never easy” 

Let’s hold on to that as we figure out how we can be the next version of ourselves after this quarter-life crisis, ha?